I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
