5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
