Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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