So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
