So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
