I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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