Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
