She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
