That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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