just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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