My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
