clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
