Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
