I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
