Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
