It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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