My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
