nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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