Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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