dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
