Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
