you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
