omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just high enough for therapy.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
