I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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