so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Someone shattered a urinal.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
