Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
