I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
