It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
