Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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