Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize