This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
