i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
