i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
