I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
