Acid is not a monday night drug
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
