my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize