yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
