well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
