Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
