Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
