i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
bring money and cleavage
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
