Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
