I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
