So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
