That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
