On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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