why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize