Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
