If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize