It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
