I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize