o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
