So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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