I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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