Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
