Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
