Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
