covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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