So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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