Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You don't make any sense
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