well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
