Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
