they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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