It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
