I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
