I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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