He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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