drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
