I will die if light touches me.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
