I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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